Revolution in Ontario!

Report from Klugelstan Global News.

“Good afternoon, I’m Vlaster Plast, and this is Klugelstan Global Television. The Klugelstani perspective on the world.

A breaking story is coming at this hour from the city of Toronto in the Canadian Province of Ontario. It seems that some kind of coup or revolution has occurred against the government of this province. Yet there are few signs of actual disorder.

KGN reporters are on the ground. Here is our chief reporter for Canada, Blax Fender, standing before the seat of government of this…country within a country…, the Park of the Queen, in the city of Toronto.

Hello, Blax. We see a sizeable crowd in front of this building, but the mood seems calm, even…how to say…celebrative. What can you tell us?”

“Hello, Vlaster. The situation is somewhat confusing here. However, Since I was assigned here, I have found politics in this country of Canada to always be confusing.

It seems the ruler of this province, it is not a national government, has been overthrown. This person’s name is Doug Ford. His exact title is ‘premier’.

It was announced to this crowd just now that he has resigned his office and left the house of government. He is on his way to exile in the United States.”

“Blax, something about this does indeed confuse us. This Ontario is not a national government. It is a subsidiary of a federation. The national government is in the city of Ottawa. This national government seems to be taking no action at this time. Can you explain this?”

“Yes, Vlaster. It is a little confusing. Since I have been in this country, I have wondered if it is a national state or a union of independent entities, something like the European Union. These provincial governments seem to defy the central government and undermine its authority.

The Doug Ford government has been one of the leaders in what appears to be a deliberate corrosion of the federal authority. However, this seems to be one of the issues leading to his removal from office.”

“Has the federal authority had any hand in this…removal. I understand the current head of state of Canada is this person, the Mister Mark Carney?”

“I do not know about that. However, the people I have talked with here so far seem almost as contemptuous of the national government as of this Ford…regime. Occasional chants of ‘Ottawa next, Ottawa next’ are heard here.

I am now walking east over this green and coming to a line of riot police. They seem confused and frustrated. I will ask them what they can tell me about the situation…”

The camera scanned the line of Toronto riot cops and came to their commander. She wore dark sunglasses and said to the cameraman; “Look, I suggest you just don’t bother us right now”.

“Uh, well.

Over here is a line of…persons who are clearly involved in this…situation. They are clearly maintaining a …cordon…opposite this line of police.”

The camera panned a group of people carrying long poles, wearing hockey helmets and padding, and gas masks hung around their necks. They wore red star insignia on their vests and helmets. The leader of this group walked toward the reporter.

“Hey! Where you guys from? Klugelstan? Thats like, Asia somewhere?

Well, welcome to Ontario. The new Ontario. Tell ‘em back in Klugelstan that what they are seeing is what real democracy is about. Yeah!

I can’t talk too much about it now. We gotta keep an eye on these Keystone Koppers over there. Somethin’ more is about to happen an’ we don’t know how they’ll react.

We’re not too worried about them, though. We saw just now how they’re only rough and tough when they’re beatin’ up on street kids and drunks.

Hey, Wolf Bitch! Yer big boy’s asses still hurtin?”

Wolf Bitch said nothing from behind her dark glasses. Some of her big boys cursed softly.

A cheer rose up on the grounds as a woman with a megaphone came out on the steps to make an announcement.

“It’s all clear. Delegates from local councils, come on in. Session one of the people’s assembly, in the legislative chamber, will begin shortly.

The rest of you, please respect the organizers. Stay out here. This is the people’s house. We do not want anything damaged in here, or any government workers harassed or threatened.

We are setting up communications so you know what’s happening all across the province. Stick around awhile, the situation is not fully settled. Be careful about the cops. Those are mounties, coming up behind them.”

Beside her, people were setting up an outdoor screen and projection equipment.

The Klugelstan camera turned back toward the police. A new group of police had arrived. Their leader questioned Wolf Bitch of the Toronto police force. He did not appear to be fully satisfied with the answers he was getting.

Said Vlaster; “So, it seems this change of government has succeeded for now. Blax, can we question this new group of police. They are not in riot gear. They are from the federal police, the mountainees? Perhaps they can tell us more about the position of the national government.”

Flex approached the head mountie, his cameraman following. “Greetings, policeman of Canada. I am Blax Fender, a reporter from Klugel…”

“Who are you? Show me some I.D.!”

“As I said, I am a reporter for..”

“You’re foreign media? I’m not authorized to talk to you. You are forbidden to enter this building.”

“I do not believe it is you, at this time, who decides who may enter the building.”

The leader of the red starred long pole squad walked up. “Regular media have our permission to enter the building to cover proceedings.

Hey, Mister Mountie. Now would be a good time to get the pineapple out of your ass. And I would keep your hand away from that gun. You don’t see ‘em, but we have riflemen covering all this..”

Said Mister Mountie; “I was sent to investigate the situation here. No request for assistance…yet!”

A cheer went up as a feed began to be played on the outdoor screen. Speakers had been set up.

Vlaster; “Blax, police seem poorly disciplined in Canada,…unprofessional. Thus I urge you to be cautious around them.

But are you able to get inside to view this council. But can you tell us what this building is on the out door screen?”

In answer, a voice came over the speakers. “We now have Ontario Science Center back!”

A cheer welled up on the grounds. The screen showed hoarding being torn down around a modernist building and people walking into the interior, which had been gutted.

Blax; “I believe there is a back story to this science center. But now I must try to make my way into the building.”

Vlaster; “While our reporter is setting up inside this legislative building, new information is coming from the capital of Canada in the city of …Otterlaw….Ottawa! Our reporter, Wozzeline Freeb, is present in the…press gallery of…

And the head of state, the Primary Minister, the Mister Mark Carney, has begun to speak…”

Said the Primary Minister of Canada over Klugelstan television, “…situation in Toronto is unclear. The Premier appears to have resigned under duress and unauthorized groups are in control of the legislature and the government campus. However, we have received at this time no request for assistance from provincial authorities.

We remind all participants in this event in Toronto, that rule of law and constitutional procedure must be respected in Canada. However, the federal government can only act independently if there is a clear danger to human life and to property. We are consulting with police services in the Ontario capital and around that province to assess the situation.

We are informing the governments of other provinces to take measures to forestall such an event in their jurisdictions. We emphasize that the federal government does stand ready to act on a request for assistance from provincial authorities.”

“Mister Prime Minister! Mister Prime Minister!”

Mister Prime Minister looked about the room with a pained expression, and realized he had no choice but to acknowledge…

“Rhonda Radick, Ontario Independent Media Cooperative?! Mister Prime Minister, my question to you at this time…

So far the events at Queen’s park have led to no lethal force being used. The people’s protective force responded, briefly, only with non lethal means, and only when attacked with no provocation by Toronto Police and a Queens park security force.

Can you assure us that no deadly force, no further force at all, will be used to suppress the people’s council? This question arises due to public statements by various reactionary public figures, given much airplay by establishment media, calling for…for…in the words of one conservative member of parliament, I paraphrase, for the RCMP to go in with guns blazing and get those commies?”

Said Mister Prime Minister; “As I said, we have received no request to assist local authorities at this time…

We are calling for calm, and for this…group…to end this p-protest. I believe their point has been …made… Mister Ford has resigned.

We continue to monitor the situation…”

“Mister Prime MInister, with the office of Ontario Premier vacant, it is the responsibility of the Lieutenant Governor of that province to immediately appoint a new Premier.

Her honor,.. the honorable…, Edith Dumont, is the ultimate political authority in Ontario. She appears to be ultimately answerable to the governor general and the federal government. What can you tell us about the vacant position in Queen’s park now? Have you been able to contact the… honorable… Lieutenant governor of Ontario?”

“We are appealing for calm. We are carefully monitoring the situation. We have received no formal request from provincial authorities…”

Vlaster; “We now return to the Park of the Queen in Toronto city. This meeting of the leadership group of this action, its apparent name is ‘citizen reform council’, has begun its meeting in the chamber of the legislative body of this province of the nation of Canada.”

The screen turned to the interior of the Queen’s park legislature. A group of serious looking but modestly dressed people occupied the seats. A speaker was speaking thusly;

“We are unable to locate the Lieutenant Governor. She was found hiding under her desk in her office in this building. She then fled out of the building even before Ford did. Her current whereabouts are unknown.

The resolution before you, consistent with the approved plan of action, is to issue a demand for the, the dis..uh, the honorable Ms. Dumont to return to her office within 24 hours and carry out her constitutional function. That is, to insure that the office of premier is always filled.

We need someone who can address the 37 questions statement developed by this assembly. That is, someone who can actually respond to it instead of scribble a resignation and head for the door with a briefcase full of…

If, at the end of 24 hours, we cannot find the LG, and we cannot get in contact with someone in Ottawa, either the Governor Generals office or the Prime minister’s Office, we will consider that government in Ontario is vacated. We will then establish a trusteeship government and take such interim measures as are needed while we attempt to recall the legislature.

Is there unanimity on this?”

The delegates in the chamber studied the motion on their tablets for a moment. Someone moved, someone seconded, and the motion carried.

Vlaster reappeared on the screen; “So. This seems to be a very tame sort of coup d’etat, so far. We now have, to come on the air for us, an assistant director of the communications for this Citizen’s Council, who may be able to enlighten us further; Ms. Pheobe Radley. Good day to you.”

“Hello, Klugelstan TV. Thanks fer havin’ me.”

“Ms. Radley, something puzzles us. We have spoken with several people in Ontario, not connected with this citizen’s group. None of them have heard of you or your 37 points until today.”

“Well, if you were not part of our network, you would likely not have heard. There has been a huge effort to suppress us, any awareness of us.

All news media refuse to mention us. Any social media which spreads information about us immediately gets severely ‘algorithmed’. We have to build our own networks, and if you were not already part of our network, you would never know we exist. But we’ve been here, organizing, for several years.

We’ve been trying to present our ’37’ for some time. All we met with was a brick wall. Actually, a wall patrolled by security beefs.”

Pheobe touched her ear bud. “Pardon… I’m getting some information, it’ll interest Klugelstan…the Lieutenant Governor has resigned. She’s still in hiding somewhere.

Seems that’s what these people do, when they have to do their jobs, take the responsibility they signed on for…

By the way, I sent you sign in directions for the council’s deep net web site. We’ve got an extensive media section. It gives directions on how to get by all the blocking nonsense to access the council’s official site…”

“Yes, we will be examining this site…Ms. Radley, and has this council attempted to contact the federal government?”

“Yes, we’ve made efforts to get Carney or the GG on the line. So, far, we haven’t…

We had the head of the RCMP call us. We told him we don’t need to talk with him, because he’s got no authority to respond to what we’re asking. Surprisingly, he agreed with us about that and promised to try to get Carney to give us a call.”

“Yes, it seems strange that one country has so many police forces. That it is so hard to determine who is responsible for what. Interesting country, Canada. But what is the nature of your group’s demands?”

‘Right now, it’s real simple. We want someone to figure out who is the premier of Ontario, so we have someone to talk to. We need to begin negotiation on the 37 points…”

“And what are these points? Briefly, what is their main aim?”

Phoebe thought a moment. “Briefly, an end to the…impunity of power in this province. And in the country. But especially in Ontario.

You see, we have this mentality among the elite in Canada, a hold over from colonial times. Once you grab the…mantle of authority… you can do whatever the hell you want. There are no checks on you before, and you never answer for it afterward.”

She touched her earbud again and listened. Then she said; “I gotta go, Klugelstan. Carney’s decided to talk with us. We want the full communication committee in on the call.

Please keep in contact with me. I’ll have something for you soon, I’m sure.”

Pheobe’s feed went black, then showed a logo for the citizen’s committee.

“This is Klugelstan Global Televison, covering events in the great nation of Canada, on April first, 2026.

For some cultural reason, this date is also called “April fool’s day” in Canada. We now pause for this message from the Klugelstan ministry of tourism, archeology, and large hairy bipeds research.”