Baaah!

January 18, 2023

What is the new Sheep Life Enhancement plan ( SHLEP?)

In recent years many of our young sheep have become concerned about their personal security. There have been concerns that many shepherds are no longer acting for the long term benefit of their flocks. Due to misguided vegetarianism in recent years there have been a lack of growth and new opportunities for sheep in the valley. Overgrazing is leading to a shortage of pasture. It is time for a change.

Too many of our young sheep have been denied opportunities to increase their individual worth and to improve their marketability. They have been caught in the cycle of grass-chewing dependency that has destroyed their initiative. A whole generation of sheep has grown up accustomed to a life of aimlessly following shepherds from pasture to pasture, while being exploited for the few bags of wool they produce and for which they receive little benefit. There is a shortage of pasture because some sheep have been eating too much grass.

The New Union of Terrific Sheep (NUTS) was elected on a platform of change. We believe that a dignified, purposeful and productive existence is the birth right of every sheep. We are deeply concerned for the best interests of our sheep constituents.

We have developed a consultative process with all the sheep herds within your area. Our representatives have listened carefully to the concerns of ordinary sheep like you. Out of this, we have developed the Sheep Life Enhancement Program, ( SHLEP.) This will give every sheep the freedom to be able to maximize his or her earning potential, by creating opportunities to participate in the production of a far greater range of goods than mere raw wool. The program will be in two stages:
1) The Potential Earnings Enhancement Program, ( PEEP)
2) And the Life Enhancement Transformational Upgrading Program, (LETUP).

Participation in this plan is, of course, completely voluntary. This program has been developed with complete openness and after extensive consultations with sheep in all herds.

The Potential Earnings Enhancement Program, ( PEEP)

Because of the years of overgrazing due to the poor management of the previous council of sheep, the grass will quit growing in October of this year. The grass wall has been reached. But new opportunities are opening up in the new global market in sheep services.

Once Earning Potential Enhancement Areas have been established by this fall, the Potential Earnings Enhancement Phase (PEEP) will make available to the participating sheep a tasty and nutritious special diet. This diet has been shown to improve health and resistance to disease, as well as bring sheep to their maximum earning potential within only three to six months.

The Life Enhancement Transformational Upgrading Program, (LETUP).

Once each sheep has been able to achieve his or her maximum earning potential, free transportation will be provided to the Life Enhancement Transformational Opportunity New facility, ( LET ON). This facility is being constructed and will be operated by experts schooled in successful transformational programs elsewhere.

Once there, all program participants will be quartered in climate controlled, relaxing quarters until called in to begin the transformational process. Sheep Induction and Transformation Specialists, ( SHITS) will then take participants through the steps in the Transformational process. At the end of this process, they will be completely transformed and able to be marketable in an exciting variety of industries, including:

1) Providing nutritive sustenance to Human, Canine, and Feline species. Once red tape is cleared away, this will extend to other Ungulate species such as cows and even other sheep. Sheep helping sheep!

2) The huge global clothing and leather goods industry.

3) Protect the environment by participating in the growing natural chemicals industry.

Once transformation is complete, program participants will be whisked away to begin exciting new careers in one of these exciting new high value markets.

Questions about SHLEP.

There has already been some misunderstanding about the objectives of the SHLEP program. This is due to a fear of change. Many chronic over grazers have become accustomed to that lifestyle and must be given incentives to become more productive members of the sheep community. They are preventing progressive-thinking sheep from obtaining the benefits of participation in the great new global market in sheep made products.

Misinformation about the benefits of SHLEP can be traced directly back to human vegetarians and ecologists with a special interest in maintaining the supply of all-natural fuzzy wool garments: the sheep exploitation industry. Sheep should never trust anything on two legs, but only other four footed animals.

To dispel these conspiracy theories, a resident goat counselor will be partnered with each herd to educate about the benefits of the new global ungulate economy. Goat has been among the first and most successful ungulate species to benefit from ungulate globalization. Many goats have greatly enhanced their market value and income potential by working through the goat equivalent of the SHLEP. They are true leaders for sheep to follow.

Some sheep may have legitimate concerns about the safety of the transformational process. SHLEP is a completely open program. At the LET ON’s, any sheep with such concerns will have the option to view the transformational process beforehand. They can enter special holding areas from which they may enter the facility one by one to view the transformational process.

The New Future

Sheep are among the best positioned of ungulate species to benefit from the new world of ungulate global competitiveness. There is no reason to fear change. By breaking the cycle of grass dependence all sheep can be transformed to a completely new plane of existence freed from all physical needs including any reason to continue wandering around and chewing grass. Sheep are now in control of their own destinies.